Last year, I had great concerns about finding decent Mediterranean food in the Valley. After trying several places that were mediocre at best, I found that I was in a rut until I discovered some cheap eats in Tempe that fit the bill nicely. But that was last year.
Now, the bane of my existence is finding decent BBQ in Phoenix. I really liked Fat Slim’s BBQ Joint in Arcadia, but it went the way of the dodo after some lease issues (or so they say). I tried a couple of other spots and the one that was even remotely acceptable was BobbyQ near Metrocenter. So, I have persevered trying to find BBQ that could really put a smile on my face.
As fate would have it, I was able to try another BBQ spot while having a car emissions tested at the testing station near 48th Street and Washington. As I pulled onto the side road, I saw Hap’s Pit Barbecue staring me in the face and I knew that once the car had passed or failed, I would get some BBQ. Thankfully, the car passed and I was pulling into the Hap’s lot (one shared with other businesses in the same strip mall) and wandering in.
The place was virtually empty inside save one gentleman sitting in a corner reading a newspaper. I walked up to the counter and looked at the menu that was hanging behind the counter. There were plenty of choices and I had a hard time deciding. When I did discover what would make a great lunch, I tried to get the attention of a male staffer who was walking back and forth. I caught his eye, he snarled a bit and then ducked behind some cooking equipment. I guess it was something I said.
Moments later, a woman approached me and asked if she could take my order. At least she didn’t snarl. So, I placed my order. I chose the Two Meat Combo Dinner ($7.19), and selected the Pulled Pork and the Beef Brisket as my meats. Since I got to select a side dish, I went with the Garlic Mashed Potatoes. I also decided to get an additional side, choosing the Old Settler Beans ($1.99). To wash it all down, I went with a 44 oz. Diet Coke ($1.39). My total was $11.43 which included tax.
I turned to take a seat, but the woman behind the counter told me that it wouldn’t be more than a minute before my meal was ready. She was correct. Within 90 seconds, a styrofoam container containing my lunch was on a tray and ready for me to take to a table. I asked for the cup for my drink and stopped at the fountain for my soda before going to a small booth at one side of the restaurant.
Sipping my drink, I was keenly aware of the praises that Hap’s had received. There were framed reviews and certificates lining the walls and the entire back of the paper menu is a shrine to the positive press given Hap’s. I was eagerly anticipating a great meal and finally finding a BBQ joint that I could rely on.
Sadly, my dreams of decent BBQ morphed into nightmares from the first bite.
I opened the styrofoam container to reveal an aluminum foil packet folded over and sealed along the sides. I opened that to discover my pulled pork and beef brisket. Both had been drizzled with BBQ sauce. In the upper left corner of the container was a small cup of garlic mashed potatoes and then next to it was half a hamburger bun that was supposed to be garlic toast (that is what the menu said). A small plastic ramekin of extra BBQ sauce was snuggled between the toast and the brisket.
I took my first bite and it was of the garlic mashed potatoes. Well, the name was only partially correct. They were potatoes that had been mashed, but beyond that, they were terrible. They were pasty and lacked any seasoning, not to mention the complete lack of garlic. There was no effort put into this side dish other than a potato masher or a ricer. In any event, I clearly made an unwise choice.
My next discover was trying to figure out if the “garlic toast” was meant to be a joke or just cheap. Or perhaps a cheap joke. Really now. Is garlic toast really that difficult a concept? Is it supposed to be “downhome” when you take the top of a hamburger bun, butter it up, place it on a grill and then (supposedly) give it some garlic flavor? This wasn’t garlic toast at all. This was a warmed, buttered hamburger bun. Imagine ordering a side of toast for breakfast and getting that. Whatever the problem was, it was only confounded by the fact that, like the potatoes, the chances of this bread even being close to anything resembling garlic was zero to none.
Hoping to salvage the meal with at least some good BBQ, I took a bite of the pork. Everything around me came to a complete and total stop. It took me a moment for my long-term memory to kick in and remind me that the taste of the beef was equal to the smell you get when you pour water on a smoldering campfire. In a word: vile. I tried the beef and the same taste came through loud and clear. Clearly, ash or soot from the cooking pit had been mixed with the meat. There was no meat taste. There was no BBQ taste. There was only the taste of ash or soot. On my second attempt, my gag reflex kicked in and I simply could not finish it. This was truly awful. If this is what “smoked” meat is supposed to be like, I will pass.
I turned my attention to the small styrofoam cup of Old Settler Beans. I opened up the lid to reveal a mixture of many different types of beans (Lima, kidney, black, pinto) in a brown and red sauce with bits of bacon. I hoped for the best, but got nothing more than the taste of BBQ sauce. I tried several bites and while the beans were cooked perfectly, it all tasted the same. Even the bacon tasted like BBQ sauce. Like the meats, I could only stomach so much and pushed that aside.
Since I had spent nearly $12.00 on food and thought I should have received something better, I approached the counter and expressed my displeasure at the meats. I described the sooty taste of the beef and a received a cursory response: “Yeah, that happens sometimes.” The surly man in the back peered around the corner of the cooking area to look at me and gave his disapproval with a sneer.
What a charmer.
With that, I left, realizing that when someone says there is soot in the food and the response is pointless, you just have to cut your losses and head on home. Or in my case, back to work.
Well, at least I can say that I passed my emissions test. I guess that means the vehicle I was in has less ash or soot than Hap’s.
Hap’s Pit Barbecue
4801 East Washington Street
Phoenix, AZ 85034
Dress: Casual
Hours: Monday through Friday – 10:30 AM to 7:00 PM; Saturday – 10:30 AM to 4 PM; Closed Sunday
Notes: The entrance is just off of 48th Street south of Washington.
Website: www.hapsbbq.com
Have you trekked out to Gilbert yet to try Joe’s BBQ? It certainly sounds better than this.
I just don’t think of PHX and BBQ together. Although, I do remember a few BBQ places on Van Buren come to think of it. HoneyBears?? Were they the ones with the oh so catchy slogan of “don’t need no teeth to eat our meat”??
Yes. I also remember the hepatits commercials that played during Wallace and Ladmo. Or was it Gilligan’s Island?? I bet I could still sing all the lyrics.
Yet one more reason I don’t allow my 2 yr old to watch tv.
Wow Seth.. what a horrible experience.. Ive often wondered what happened to customer service.. the least they could have done was refund your money! “…that happens sometimes?” WTH? If it happens sometimes and they are aware of this perhaps they shouldnt put the product out.. what a shame.. thanks for taking one for the team on this one.. Ive been wanting to go here for some time but they have strange hours.
I agree with Tim.. weve been going to Joe’s Real BBQ for about a month now, atleast once a week.. though not to far of a drive since we live in Scottsdale.. I LOVE the baked potato covered in chopped bbq beef (the chopped has sauce on it).. this thing is a monster and is just over a pound! http://www.joesrealbbq.com/
That sounds like a horrible experience. You should visit NC (Lexington in particular) for BBQ, you might have a better experience. Tennesse is pretty good too but eastern NC style is my favorite. Slow cooked and smoked over a wood burning pit it gets such a great flavor minus the ash. Now you got me thinking bout bbq.
I feel like Homer Simpson…Mmmmmm bar-be-que…
[drool]
I really don’t understand how places like this stay in business. Bad food, bad customer service, bad prices? Awesome combination.
I’m not a big BBQ gal (practically the only thing I don’t love to stuff in my maw), but I remember JOe’s was okay.
I’ll tell you what, though, Rock ‘n R Ranch in Gilbert has some pretty good cowboy BBQ. And you get to watch some Mormons sing a couple o’ tunes and parade out their mentally handicapped daughter during their cover of Ghostrider.
Now THAT, is awesome.
I’m sorry you had such an awful experience, Seth. I will never cease to be amazed by rude restaurant wait staff. What kind of response is, “That happens sometimes.” Then again, the first red flag should have been the fact that your food was ready in under 90 seconds…it had obviously been sitting there for God knows how long.
I have to agree with some of the others – I just don’t think BBQ when I think of Phoenix. I can completely understand your craving for smokey meat, but for your own sake, perhaps you should cut your losses and only eat ‘cue when traveling further east.
My philosophy is “you only get so many meals in one lifetime so why eat crappy food.”
Tim,
Thanks for the tip and I will add it to my “review” list.
Lisa,
You mean…
Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
Wash your hands after changing baby, too.
Cuz, we don’t want you to catch hepatitis
And we don’t want hepatitis to catch you.
Who?
YOU!
Yes, I remember that one. But it could be worse. It could be:
Pete Ellis Dodge
Freeway 17
Camelback Exit
Phoenix.
Pete Ellis Dodge
Freeway 17
Camelback Exit
Phoenix.
:o)
Alexander,
Thank you for that tip and I will try to get out there soon.
Melati,
Um… I think I may have to pass on that one.
Oy.
Sarah,
Well, I have to try them or else I won’t have reviews. I live to serve. :o)
Too bad! I used to work at Priest & Washington and had Hap’s a couple of times and it wasn’t too bad. Not as good as Joe’s in Gilbert, but I can do as well or better in my backyard. (Not bragging, just sayin’)…
I still have a hard time paying $7.00 or more for a BBQ sandwich when I can buy a pork butt on sale for about $9.00, season it, keep an eye on it while on the smoker, and have many sandwiches/meals. Maybe I am just a cheapskate……..OK, I am.
That meal had no redeeming quality. Sorry you had to spend money on it. How depressing. Entertaining review nonetheless though.
I like the parallels between the smog check and this meal…irony at its best.
Heartbreaking review. Simply heartbreaking. Animals died to produce that meat and Hap’s just took a big dump over them and you. Bah.
- Chubbypanda
OMG the Pete Ellis tune is now in my heaaaaddd. Must scrub brain!!
Go get Cal
Go get Cal
Go get Cal!!!
That’s a drag, Seth. I’ve eaten at the store on Indian School and 32nd Ave. or so, and it’s always been really good. The sliced stuff is a bit saucy for me too, but their ribs are good enough that I don’t make them myself quite as often as I used to. I make some serious ribs, though.
seriously, you have to go to honey bears, it’s right down the street! van buren just W of the 202, it’s 1000 times better than hap’s.
Chris hon, while I’m no BBQ expert, 1000 times better than **** is still ****. Honey Bears, for me, will forever be “Home of the Water Gristle Sandwich”.
Seth,
Sorry to hear you had a bad experience. I have never been to Hap\’s on Washington, but have been to the Indian School location many times. I have yet to have a bad experience there. I think you should give them another try, maybe at the I.S. location.
I think their BBQ is some of the best overall I\’ve had in Phx. What they may lack in ambiance or service is made up by awesome meat at bargain prices. My wife is not into BBQ that much. I have to twist her arm to go to most places, but she LOVES Hap\’s. My 5 year old daughter, who dislikes most meat, will readily share my meat sampler platter (it\’s the only chicken she\’ll eat without slathering in ranch dressing first). And the garlic toast? It\’s so good I usually get 2 sides of it. I am a huge garlic fan and would not accept anything less than full flavor. Maybe they just ran out of garlic the day you were there.
As far as other places, I also really like BobbyQ, Joe\’s Real and Honey Bears, and another place on the West side called Thee Pitts Again.