“Beware the stare!”

That is what I always heard growing up, because my father was always reminding me that while he was the head of the family, “the stare” from my mother could bring everything to a crashing halt. But not all women naturally have “the stare.” For instance, Britney Spears does not have “the stare.” Linda Carter (a.k.a. Wonder Woman) does not have “the stare.” Nancy Reagan? Oh, yeah, she has “the stare.”

But “the stare” I fear the most is from Madge.

Good Lord. That thing could cut concrete like a hot knife through a stick of butter. I have warned Boris about this.

That brings us to our story of dinner out the other night were Madge, Boris and I were entertaining Madge’s two sisters, Gladys and Fern, who were in town. I had met Gladys before and had a great time meeting her, but I had never met Fern. Fern is very sweet. Friendly, charming, gracious, with a very dark sense of humor. I would say she is much younger than Madge, but I must beware the stare. So, let’s just say that it was great meeting Fern.

Madge requested I pick a fun place for dinner and I suggested we go have Turkish food at Efes Turkish Cuisine in Tempe. I thought some exotic food and live entertainment would be fun. So, we all met up at Efes and walked in not knowing what to expect. Efes sits on the extreme west side of another non-descript strip mall in Tempe, but the bright red illuminated letters were very visible from the street. We walked in and were immediately seated at a table, and the hostess was kind enough to pull another table closer so we could have some room. We were handed menus and waited for our server.

Our table was right at the dividing wall between the main dining room and the smaller dining room where musicians were playing traditional Turkish music while an attractive woman did some belly dancing to the accolades of the customers. In the middle of the main dining room was a bar and there were all sorts of colorful decorations and art adorning the walls.

Our server appeared and took our drink order. We ordered four Iced Teas ($1.95 each) and one Diet Pepsi ($1.50). Our server also asked if we had anything in mind for an appetizer. Since we really hadn’t had a chance to make any selections, I suggested a serving of Hummus ($4.95) which the rest of the group thought was a grand idea. Our server headed for the kitchen and we reviewed the menu. I was very pleased with the offerings and there were so many things that really jumped out at us.

We enjoyed the music, but it was rather loud. Part of the problem was that they had the music going over a PA system, which really wasn’t necessary for the space involved. I could understand a mic for vocals, but the horn player had a mic attached to the instrument and it was ear piercing when he hit the high notes. It also meant that we could barely carry on a conversation. Even the tables further away were having difficulty with hearing each other.

Our server returned with our drinks and the Hummus. The hummus was a substantial serving of the paste on a cheery plate. The top was drizzled with olive oil and dusted with paprika. We were also given a basket of hot pita bread and we tore into the bread and dip, pausing to place our order. The hummus was very good and I liked the fact that this version was quite thick. It had a hearty and rustic texture that was quite satisfying. The others at the table really enjoyed it as well, although we could have used a bit less olive oil.

Our server patiently waited as we gave our order. Madge and Fern had the Tavuk Sis Kebab ($15.95) with the Briani Rice ($1.00 extra). Boris ordered the Adana Kebab ($13.95) with the Briani Rice ($1.00). Gladys went with the Beiti Kebab ($15.95) with the Briani Rice ($1.00). I went with the Iskender Doner ($15.95) because it talked about a pita dipped in pure butter! For our appetizers, we went for broke and order Tabbouli ($4.95), Falafel ($5.95), Ispanek Borek ($5.95), and a small Fattoush ($5.95) with Feta Cheese ($1.00 extra).

Only a few minutes passed and our server returned with the Tabbouli. It was a large plate filled with the salad of parsley, mint, tomatoes, cracked wheat, onions, lemon juice and olive oil. I loved the taste of the dish, but the texture was awful. The dish was way to watery and it seemed more like a Turkish version of Gazepacho than Tabbouli. I don’t know if that was the traditional way to serve it in Turkey, but I can’t imagine anyone liking a salad that wet. The others at the table agreed and we nibbled at it for a bit before pushing it aside.

Next up was the Falafel. The dark round balls of ground chickpeas were clearly deep fried an extra long time due to their color. I thoroughly enjoyed the loud crunch from the exterior of the falafel. The interior was moist and fresh. The strong taste of garlic also made it a great appetizer. I thought the tahini sauce was a bit thin as it barely coated the falafel, but since I am not a big fan of tahini to begin with, I am not sure I could rate it fairly. Others at the table thought the falafel was top notch and Fern made a great discovery by dipping her falafel piece in the hummus. It was excellent.

Right after we polished off the falafel, the Ispanek Borek appeared. This was the Turkish version of Spanikopita, the Greek treat of phyllo dough stuffed with spinach and feta cheese. It was a very basic presentation and the flavor was pretty bland. The spinach didn’t seem to be seasoned and the feta much more mild than it should have been. I took the liberty of adding some lemon juice to my piece and it made all the difference in the world. It really brought out the flavors of everything in the pastry. Unfortunately, everyone else had finished their pieces before I had a chance to impart my wisdom.

Our last appetizer appeared and I was in heaven. I absolutely adore Fattoush. You take a simple green salad, top it with a tart oil and lemon juice dressing and then liberally toss on some deep fried pieces of pita bread. I thought this was a great rendention of the classic salad and the fact that the pita pieces were pretty large only made it that much better for me. Others said they enjoyed it, but I think I was the biggest fan of the dish at the table. The only criticism I had was that the feta cheese was served as big squares which were cumbersome. If some of it had been crumbled over the salad, it would have been perfect.

We watched the belly dancer perform for the patrons as we waited for our entrees. At a table near us, four freshmen from ASU were oggling the belly dancer and she snapped at one of them when one of them got a little fresh. (Good for her!) We had about a 10 minute wait before our dinners arrived.

Gladys’ Beiti Kebab arrived first. On a large platter, a hearty serving of the Briani rice rested on one side of the plate while the kebab of grilled ground lamb and beef rested on the other atop a large piece of pita bread. A grilled tomato and pepper topped the dish. The lamb and beef was quite good. I liked the strong garlic and parsley flavor. I was quite pleased with the fact that this kebab was not greasy, but instead was naturally moist. Gladys enjoyed it as well. She also said the rice was “decent” but seemed disappointed that there wasn’t more substance to it for an the additional buck.

The Adana Kebab that Boris got was similar to the Beiti Kebab, but the seasoning was quite different. There seemed to be a sweetness to it. I thought this was better than the Beiti. Boris was enjoying it as well, with the two skewers of meat and the rice and cabbage salad. He also said that the pita was excellent because it has soaked up some of the juices from the kebab. The meat was rather moist and very flavorful and I thought this would make a great sandwich meat. Boris, like Gladys, wasn’t thrilled with the rice, and he seemed less than impressed with the cabbage salad.

When Madge and Fern got their Tavuk Sis Kebab, the scent just about had me grabbing their plate. This kebab was two skewers of large chunks of chicken that had been marinated and then grilled. There was some char on the outside of the chicken. I had one bite and clearly said, “Oh my!” It was fantastic. This really was a home run for Efes. The flavor combination between the chicken, the marinade and the char was sublime. Gladys, Boris and I were having second thoughts about our selections after tasting the chicken. The Briani rice also failed to impress Fern or Madge on any level. Fern seemed to enjoy the cabbage salad much more than Madge, but Madge isn’t a cole slaw fan, so I wasn’t surprised.

My dish was surprising. I didn’t expect a big pile of sliced meat to be set in front of me. But that is what I got. The meat was a mix of beef and lamb that had been pressed and then placed on a rotisserie. It was then sliced like a gyro and piled high on the plate. Hiding beneath the meat was a thick piece of pita bread that had been doused in butter and then topped with homemade yogurt. The meat was topped with a light tomato sauce and then drizzled with more butter. This was a heart stopper of a dish. I thought it was excellent. The meat had a magnificent seasoning and the overtones of garlic everywhere really worked well with the creaminess of the butter and yogurt. The bread was just over the top. Bread. Dipping in butter. The stuff of dreams. My only minor complaint was that the dish could have been hotter, temperature wise. Still, I thought this dish was outstanding. My rice was fluffy and moist and I loved the vinegar dressing on the cabbage salad.

As we finished our meals and let our dinner digest a bit, we were treated to a bit of more belly dancing. This time, people were handing the dancer dollar bills or tucking them into her sheer pants. Some were sprinkling dollars over her as she spun around in gleeful gratitude.

She made her way to our table and suddenly, Boris pulled out a dollar bill from his wallet and was all smiles as he waved the dollar at her and she grinned as he tucked the greenback into her waistband while she shimmied and shaked much to Boris’ amusement. He was positively giddy.

Then, the temperature suddenly plunged 35 degrees and I only caught a glimpse out of my eye before I noticed…

The stare.

I so wanted to see how much of a stare Madge had on her face, but I am not that brave and all I could think of was how nice it was having had the chance to know Boris. I looked straight ahead at Gladys not daring to move in order to keep out of the line of fire. Fern provided much needed comic relief when she blurted out, “So, I’m thinking Baklava.” Our server returned and we ordered three servings of Baklava ($3.50 each). I was tempted to get a Turkish Coffee to warm up from the icicles that had formed on our table, but decided to just stick with my tea.

The Baklava was delivered in minutes and I liked the fact Efes didn’t bathe their baklava in gallons of honey. The baklava was very good. Each plate contained two pieces and that was plenty for us. It was somewhat crispy and somewhat chewy, but rather subtle in taste. I have had better baklava, but this was pleasing to everyone at the table.

We flagged down our server and requested the bill. The total was $135.45 including tax. The service was spotty. Our server would disappear for extended stretches which made drink refills difficult at times. The staff was friendly, but the checking up on the patrons needed some work.

After paying the bill, we leisurely made our way to the cars to head home. Thankfully, it was warm outside, which took the chill off the evening. I asked for opinions about the meal and the general consensus was that it was very good and there were some great things on the menu (especially the chicken kebab and the hummus), but there were a few misses as well. It held our interest enough to made me want to go back again. My only hope was that my return visit would yield better service and a toned-down PA system.

We headed home in separate cars and all I could think of was how great the gas mileage was going to be in Boris’ car since he certainly wouldn’t have to use the air conditioning on the way home.

Things are okay now and all has been forgiven, so I will refrain from telling Boris “I warned you.” Hopefully, Boris will remember my next life lesson for him:

The two most important words in the English language he can ever know are “Yes, dear.”

Efes Turkish Cuisine
1701 East Guadalupe
Tempe, AZ 85283
Dress: Casual
Hours: Sunday through Thursday – 11 AM to 9:30 PM; Friday and Saturday – 11:00 AM to 11:00 PM
Notes: Belly dancing on Friday and Saturday
Website: http://www.efesturkishcuisine.com/